We Didn't Go to Oktoberfest, We ARE Oktoberfest

The view from my pad yo! I mean my bouldering pad. That I sleep on.

The crisp clean air unclogs my brain as I smell the decay of summer. A tattered battleground crunches underneath my weight and I realize now that October is about bouldering. I was glad to make it to Leavenworth with my friends Dom and Laura. I hadn’t been out here in such a long time that I was almost forgetting what the place looked like. The small strip town split down the middle by route 2 was alive with tourists for the ongoing Oktoberfest that thrives on guzzling steins, funny hats, and the occasional bouncy castle. We weren’t here to enjoy the flowing rivers of brown Fall ales. We were here to destroy our tips! And crush some sick hard boulder problems, while power screaming from the top of our lungs and watching the tendons rise from our very hands to crimp on tiny edges, literally squeezing the life force from the granite. Fuck YEAH! But first we had to set up camp, and this time we weren’t going to co-mingle with the commoners. No, that would be too deleterious to our wide eyed psych. We decided to check out the FREE camping tucked away from the trivial aspects of life such as behemoth sized RV’s and lower forms of life that can only help but to stare at our magnificence. You can imagine the distractions. We pitched the homestead and kicked rocks to our favorite spot, Mad Meadows! The home of too many boulderers! We ran into about thirty? It was a blur, the only person I can really remember was Scott Milton with his camera crew. That’s right, Canada’s premiere boulderer hard man Scott Milton was checking out OUR boulder spot. At least I think he’s a boulderer, right? Anyway the golden glow of his aura blinded me and my compadres and we were left in a state of momentary bouldering bliss. We shook off our euphoric high long enough to do some climbin’. We were going bouldering at a boulder crag and even though it didn’t have any cliff bands it had a few cave like features. The real news was Laura killin’ it! She sent her first V.5 on a nice piece of rock with some treachery at her back. Luckily she had Dom and I to guard it and she ticked her first 6c in style. Nice!!

Laura establishes on The Undercling(V.5)

Dom and I worked on the low start to the problem that Laura had just got, but it was more of a challenge for me because I’m so good that sometimes I forget that boulder problems that don’t have double digits still require some effort. Anyway, we scampered around the boulders in this area for a while running into large amounts of people blaring music and sitting around like hippies at Woodstock. I was a little ashamed of our laissez faire attitudes when some weathered tradsters came around the corner and gave us looks of disgust. That’s right tradsters, I like to sit around on my ass staring at three move problems that don’t get any higher than three or four feet off the ground and still consider myself a bad ass. Are you taking notes?
We ended our Mad Meadows feast and stymied it to another boulder crag. This next spot is a doozy! A beautiful boulder perched right on the side of the road. A rounded looking beast that has a rocky landing and a permanent love affair with a tree. It was perched on a semi mound of earth that fettered away from it’s position leaving a downward rolling ascent to anyone who dared spit off of it’s grainy slopers. I had tried the problem before but my instincts pulsated with the stench of death so I backed down. I always drove by this boulder and stared in amazement and vowed one day to grow the balls to slay the beast. Today the air was thick with testosterone and everyone seemed to be in a carnal state of mind so I fucking sent it!


Me being a straight up poser!! Twister(V.7)

But let’s rewind the tape a bit. We showed up and Dom was psyched to try a V.4 and a V.6 as well as the V.7 that I was chomping at the bit to do. We both sent the V.4 and since I had already sent the V.6 I watched as Dom killed it with ease. A really cool problem that has one of the nicest crimps in the world and a cool heel hook as well. Now that we’re all caught up, the problem that I was referring to earlier is called Twister and takes the center stage of the boulder’s face. It follows a slopey line of ,well, slopers, to a series of hard shouldery moves on crimps, then a nice little throw for a good shelf and jug. After that you just have to get the foot high and reach up to more flat jugs and the top. It was hard. When the feet cut and you’re only holding on to small crimps you start to wonder if its worth a possible torn ligament, but then you think of the adoration and all the fans and groupies you’ll have once you send the problem and descend into Leavenworth history! Besides all that nonsense it was a fucking good problem and definitely one of my top five favorite boulder problems that I have ever touched, let alone sent.

Okay, enough about me let’s continue on with the saga. One more epic awaited our party of merry men, and a wee a lass. The scrambled egg boulder lay in waiting. It’s bluish grey granite cried out, ‘Crimp me! Slope me! Touch ME!’. Oh what a proud and lonely boulder it is, but not for long. Dom was dead set on a problem called Scrambled Eggs. Throwing the gauntlet down as well as a few pads he began to crimp on the boulders sharp edges. The boulder fought back, shaking it’s head wildly sending Dom to the ground a number of times but he commanded the stone with veracity. Finally yelling at the fiend and making it shrink down to a conquerable size he sent the crux and started to pull over on the last bit; a hard rock over on bad slopers for the feet and small edges for the hands.

Dom on the first few moves of Scrambled Eggs(V.8)

His journey was long and in the midst of mastering the more difficult moves he forgot about the victory jug out right. Oh what a tragedy! He fell to his demise shrieking in agony. We were all worn out from watching the battle and Dom had given it a great fight but his tips were shredded and we left to end the day at Egg Rock on some nice V.4’s.

Dom almost sending Scrambled Eggs

Later that night we drank around a glorious fire and ate ember toasted tuna and cheese sandwiches. The moon was crazy bright and illuminated our camp ground like a flood light. We had a nice night yammering away about nothing important and woke the next morning early. I had to get back to Olympia by six so we headed out to the boulders with the crusties still in our eyes. We had a good time at the Pretty Boulders, which have some very pretty problems.

Dom on the crux of Pretty Girl(V.3)

Dom after the crux of Pretty Girl.

I got shut down on the dyno of Pretty Hate Machine, while Dom ran laps on Pretty Girl, one of the coolest problems anywhere. We hit up one last spot, a rather large boulder hugged closely by private property and most likely gun toting owners ready blow a hole through any would be boulderers who trespassed on their land. We were able to send a V.4 with a cool highball ending and an even cooler highball 5.6 down climb. After that we went home. Debating in the car ride home about the morality and ethical nuances of the deeper complexities climbing has to offer. I hope that we will be able to get back to Leavenworth at least one more time before the snow comes.

Bob's Your Uncle

Who the hell is Bob anyway? I kept repeating this phrase over and over again to myself on the laborious trek up a steep Mt. Washington trail for two and half miles, until, finally, Dom and I arrived at the first crag’s turn off trail. A small wall dubbed the Chainsaw Wall with only a few routes from .10b to .12a. This was my third time overall at the infamous Bob’s area and I can remember always being impressed with the routes and the rock quality, the latter being somewhat of a phenomenon in this particular area. At Chainsaw wall we warmed up on a route that we had both done before a really good, technical and balancy .10c. There was a variation that went out right on a short and steep face that neither Dom nor I had tried before so Dom went for the onsight. Marking a few hidden holds for me I stepped up to the plate and managed to flash it, a particularly awesome route. The texture of the rock and the sweet edges and crimps up this slightly overhung face were well worth the hike and made for a good start to the day.

Dom on My Evil Plan(5.11c)

Next on the list was a .12a called Stihl Fingers, a route we had eyed last year when we were here but neither of us had the balls to tackle this slightly overhung slanted seam that was cut into an almost black and smooth looking face. This beautiful route felt exposed but had good incut crimps the whole way that made you feel a little safer. The last move was a huge lunge out left to a ‘thank you god’ jug. Dom hung the draws on his first attempt and I almost flashed it after that. Dom made a quick second go ascent and I felt confident that I could do the same, but once I got up to the last clip I just skipped it in favor of making the lunge out left to the finish jug thinking it would be over. Well, I panicked, lost my footing and started to get over pumped and worried that I hadn’t made the clip. Needless to say I fell blowing the redpoint which, now, looking back on I could have bagged quite easily. I tried this sweet line two more times before coming to grips with the fact that I just wasn’t going to do it this trip. We packed up and headed to another secluded crag just up the trail.

Chainsaw Wall.

This area was pretty sweet even though it only boasted a total of two routes, a .10b which was covered in little black patched of moss, and sweeeeeeet looking slabby face climb called Passage that went at .12a. Dom got to work on Passage chalking holds and figuring out a way up this really nice piece of rock while I enjoyed the view. After getting shut down on top rope and figuring out a good way to get to the anchors I came down and Dom powered through the finger wrenching crux to clip the chains. It was impressive, I have to say, since he didn’t really look like he was going to send at all when he first tried it.

Dom at the last little bit of Passage(5.12a)

I opted out of the redpoint in favor of my poor tendons and pulleys and we moved to the main area, Bob’s area. I headed straight to an .11d that I had always walked past before and never tried and went for the onsight. I fell at the first roof, and then the second before making the mossy mosey up and over a couple of extremely dirty slabs that really should not have been included in the last third of this route. Dom flashed while I managed to get this one second go, but in all honesty it was rather easy due to a large no hands rest before the last bit of hard climbing.

Me cleaning the draws off of Liberty Smack(5.11d)

Either way I was pleased and we decided on one last route before making the walk down. I got shut down twice in a row on a route called Give Your Shelf to Me, which was a short route that I should have been able to walk up but I was just getting too pumped too quick. Before you knew it we were faced with a long walk down in the dark, but fortunately Dom had packed his trusty head torch. My knees and ankles were berated by small rocks and loose ground as we stumbled and bumbled along the trail to eventually find solace at the flat parking lot.

The view from Bob'a area at night.

Gracious as I was to not have been eaten by a mountain lion or a cougar I still felt the sting of getting shut down a route I really felt like had already sent, and even more harsh was the reality that set in when I realized that I would have to make that heinous journey back up there just to try to send it again some day. Oh well, I welcome it! Plus there are still so many cool looking routes that I have yet to try at Bob’s area, however the weather has turned as of late and it may be a while until I can get back up there. We had the good fortune to get out on the very last day of summer weather, and it's already Fall! And judging from the last three days of non-stop rain we have had, it's going to be along one.

Thye Hidden Secrets of the East, That Aren't Quite That Secret

Do you like rattlesnakes, mice, mating yellow jackets, three different kinds of steppe, dry climates, basalt pillars, chunky arêtes, juggy face climbs, powerful sport climbs, moderate trad climbing, no bathrooms, and the worlds greatest boulder problem? Then you’ll love Frenchman Coulee, a nice sport/trad climbing area just east of the tiny town of Vantage. Don’t let my stark sarcasm fool you, my recent trip to one of the many climbing areas Washington state has to offer was certainly not a bad one. After bouldering for damn near a solid month and a half; which may or may not sound long to you depending on the type of climber you consider yourself to be, and with the start of school right around the corner my good friends Dom and Laura as well as myself(duh) headed off to this wondrous place in the east. I had never been to Frenchman Coulee before, but Dom and Laura both had been twice so I considered myself lucky to have such knowledgeable people along to guide my innocent, yet callused finger tips up and over the brown, white, black and sometimes orange jugs, crimpers, slots and slopers Frenchman Coulee had to offer. We arrived around late afternoon on a Wednesday to the free camping. It was spread out and even though it was quite open had a somewhat secluded feel to it. We started the half faded day out at an area called the Sunshine Wall.


Laura half way up on Easy Off(5.10c)


Dom and Laura just hangin' out.

A perfectly laid out set of skinny rectangular shaped basalt pillars lined the trail and their three dimensional shapes provided great corners, faces, and arêtes with many features, or none at all. I was lead to a route called Easy Off, a stellar looking line that made its way up an arête with positive holds for a good 70 feet. It was an extremely consistent climb, jug, jug, crimp, jug, jug, crimp. I really liked the nature of the climb and the fact that it was long and well bolted made it very enjoyable. So far a good way to start the trip. We walked along the trail for some time checking out the rest of the area climbing one more route until we decided to check out a crag just below the trail that had a very different type and style of climb.


The Indiana Jones style approach to the Sunshine Wall.


One of the first routes reached at the Sunshine Wall and definitely one of the most popular.
An unknown climber on Ride Em' Cowboy(5.9)

The Jigsaw Wall looked like a bunch of oddly shaped blocks had been glued together and thrown up against the hillside, steep on some parts but always mellowing out near the top. I liked the look of the climbs and went for the first route that the guide said was the best on the wall, a route called Effortless. The whole wall was relatively shorter than the upper Sunshine Wall area but this little climb definitely packed it in. An easy start that got pretty difficult around the middle and then tapered off towards the chains. I tried to make my onsight attempt look stylish but I think it was more entertaining than anything else as I drop kneed, barn doored, and slapped for holds that were better than what I was making them look like. I clipped the chains and came down with such an awful pump that I thought I would be done for the rest of the trip.


Dom flashing Effortless(5.11c)



Another picture of Dom on Effortless as the sun sets.


Dom floated up it making it look like it was 5.9 and not 5.11c and then we tried the route right next to it that had a hard boulder problem start. Well after all that bouldering you would think I would have this in the bag, but I fell a couple of times and sat back and watched as Dom mastered this route gracefully as well. We ran around and checked out more routes and then headed back to camp as the sun disappeared over the barren horizon. We had a pretty good fire that night and a good sleep where I dreamed I was playing golf with Happy Gilmore.(?????????)


The steppe of Frenchman Coulee

The next day we, or should I say I, had my sights on some harder routes. I was dead set on sending a .12a and the guide book described an area called the Powerhouse as having a stellar .12a called King of the Ruins. It was on. We headed across an open plain where Laura almost stepped on a rattlesnake and I screamed like a girl. After that my nerves were a little rattled(get it?), and I never truly recovered, I even freaked out as I sat down to tie my shoes and someone’s water bottle touched my back. I lurched forward fearing the worst only to come face to face with a deadly Crystal Geyser!! We all warmed up on a great 5.9 called Power Puff and then I got shut down on a 5.11 arete that Dom dominated, nice one Dom that looked tough! I finally decided to just go for it and geared up for the onsight of King of the Ruins. I have to say I was pretty impressed with this wall, it was similar to the Jigsaw wall but steeper and had streaks of black, white, grey, brown and orange running up it. King of the Ruins climbs up an easy face to a powerful yet small roof, and then a crimpy headwall to an easy finish. I made it past the roof but got it good on the head wall when I pumped out looking for a jug. I clipped the rest of the bolts and came down excited to try and get it my second go. I gave the play by play to Dom as he calmly climbed through the roof and crimped up the head wall with a nice flash.


Laura on Power Puff(5.9)


Me on King of the Ruins(5.12a)


Dom burls through the roof as he flashes King of the Ruins.


Another picture of Dom on KOTR.

I tried to de-pump and felt good on my next attempt, making it farther than my last go but just fell off right before the good jug and the road to victory. I tried it once again but was not really in the mood and called it quits pulling my draws off in dismay. We ended our time at the Powerhouse on a sweet .10d that I forget the name of but involved some sort of future move which none of us did. Feeling a bit wiped we headed for camp and lunch.



That evening we walked the short distance to the Feathers area and did some really nice 5.8-5.10 routes that were excellent and of the utmost quality in my opinion. We were accompanied by a group of local(?) climbers who talked loudly of their conquests, sexual or drug related, as they drank beer from a large cooler and soloed up chossy bits of rock trying to show off for their over dressed girl friends who sat cross legged and looked nothing less than bored. If anything, the best routes I did here had to be a sweet slightly overhung 5.9 face climb called Satan’s Wagon(?), and a sick arête/face climb that went at 5.10b but I forget the name. These routes are just as classic as anything I’ve done anywhere and should not be missed if you are going to this area.


Laura on a sweet 5.8 at the Feathers.


Me making the clip on another great route at the Feathers.


Dom ends the day on a 5.9 arete.

That night we had a roaring fire that lasted longer than we did and met a climber from Renton named Dave. He was out here by himself after getting rained out at Index and was projecting a super steep super long boulder problem with an X-rated top out over death scree. He said it was the best boulder problem in the state(??!!!!!??!!!) I can’t be sure if he was just drunk or trying to convince us to come down there with him the next day to spot but whatever it was it worked. The next day I found myself lugging my triple crash pad, which I had only brought in order to sleep on, across the sketchiest trail I have been on. A steep, loose, scree patch that eventually dumped us off on a sandy open plain dotted with sage brush and clumps of tall yellow grass. After a bit of walking we ended up at the mouth of a steep semi-cave and Dave set about showing us the beta. Nice movement and footwork led to an okay rest on a sloper at the midway point before sending you into a series of knee bars and pointy underclings to the so-called ‘lip’ which then led to a chossy looking top out that could have easily topped 30 or 40 feet. Dom flashed the problem to it’s midway point, I flailed helplessly on every move, and Dave almost linked it. Now I’m not known for my ‘hating’ attitude and there was a lot to hate about this morning so far, but in all honesty the boulder problem itself was actually really good, and if the top out was feasible it probably would be ‘one of’ the best boulder problems in the state…maybe. However I would have rather spent my morning on the rope and after making it back to camp we all just decided to go home, exhausted, dirty, and(speaking for myself) a bit defeated and greatly humbled.



So, to wrap up the trip, my first experience at Vantage or Frenchman Coulee, whatever you prefer to call the area, was great and I will definitely be back soon. I have a better understanding of the mentality required for most of the areas, approaches, camping, and so on and so forth. I’m psyched to have visited another great area in the state; now I’m gonna’ go work on my endurance, recovery, stamina, fear of poisonous creatures, and ability to take dumps while pressed up against a sandy boulder.

Taking the Plunge

Me doing my best impression of a slackliner

Uuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh. Can’t sleep. Usually that means excitement and anticipation have defeated my bodies need for rest. I roll over and look at the clock only to realize that I’ve got another three hours before I’m supposed to get up and pick up my friend Dom before heading off to Leavenworth for a couple of days. The time crawls by and eventually I find myself outside of Dom’s new apartment building only to realize his body did not give in to anticipation and excitement and let him sleep. A little too long. He blames it on a broken cell phone and we’re off. We fight through Tacoma traffic and hit 18 and its smooth sailing from there. The sun beats down on the white cement that snakes its way up and over Icicle canyon and carries us to the Lonely Fish boulder where our friends Jimmy and George were warming up on their third day in the ‘dub’. Dom and I make our way back to a problem called Droppin’ the Kirschbaum where Jimmy is attempting a jumpy V.7 at the end of the boulder. We meet and greet and get the number of the campsite they are staying at and plan to meet up at Mad Meadows in an hour.


The lovely Mad Meadows

After dumping our stuff at campsite number 19, my personal favorite at Eightmile, we meet back up with Jimmy and George at Mad Meadows and head back to the boulders. Now I hadn’t climbed in a week, due to a somewhat mysterious and quite painful leg injury that prevents me from heel hooking with my left leg, so after a reintroduction to the rough granite by running a few laps on the excellent V.3 Drugstore Cowboy I squeezed some pads through the mouth of the cave that holds a problem called The Sail. An excellent V.9 that requires some serious hugging with both legs and arms. The start is quite hard to master, you have to get your right heel in just the right spot, a little divot that can be hard to stick accurately. Squeezing with the legs you pull yourself off the ground, already upside down, and stab to a sloper, and then bump again to a crimp. Jimmy and I both worked the problem for a while, Jimmy managed to get quite close to sticking the crimp but we both gave up. So psyched to come back to this problem once my leg is feeling better.


Dom flashing The Undercling(V.5)

From there we went to Jimmy’s project for the last two days, Hanta Man. A superb roof problem that involves some powerful moves and a hugely helpful toe/foot jam. The first couple of moves aren’t that bad, but slapping around and outside of the cave to a jug is the definitive crux. I made some good progress on this problem, but once again look forward to returning when my leg is feeling up to it. Jimmy had really put some good work into getting the sequence wired and after some good tries stuck the jug and pulled out of the cave, adrenaline pumping. We were all psyched to see him send it and gave him a round of applause.


The Hanta Man cave, the best damn hang out on a hot day.

We hung out in the shade of the cave for a while, trying to bring our body temperatures down and escape the weight of the heat of the day. We decided on going out to the Sword boulders where the shade was plentiful and the boulder problems were goooooood.


Dom reeeeaaaching on the Prsim(V.9)

The one problem here at the Sword that I really had worked on for a while and felt really close to sending went the first try of the day. It almost felt easy! The problem is located on a slouching boulder that is the first boulder you reach when arriving at the Sword boulders. It’s called the Prism because of a huge blocky chunk of rock missing in the center where the overhang begins and the slab ends, that resembles an invisible cube or prism. The start is a tad contrived but sets you nicely on a huge foot ledge where you can stare up at the lip of the overhang and figure out what you want to do. You reach inside the invisible prism and grab a good crimpy undercling, which moves a little bit (one day it will definitely break). From the undercling you maneuver your feet on small foot holds and the smooth surface of the slab and slap up to the slopey lip bumping your hand more and more left until you can bump it to the very point of the overhang where a good jug awaits you. It’s technical and balancey but a beautiful problem. The grade it was given is a little bit of a debate, some people say V.9 for shorter people and V.7 for taller people but regardless of that silliness this just might beat out Resurrection for my favorite boulder problem at the Sword boulders.


Jimmy flies through the air on the less statically inclined version of the Prism

Jimmy literally threw himself at a dyno version of the problem which looks desperate if anything else, yet pretty sweet. We all had a good time trying the problem and I even managed to repeat it for the camera. We also gathered some wood, breaking some of the bigger logs ‘caveman style’, utilizing a large granite rock to smash them into smaller logs, below is a video of this chicanery:

After dropping the firewood off at the campsite we stopped briefly at the Starightaways, more specifically the WAS boulder where I repeated it a couple more times for the camera while Dom climbed halfway up a rather large tree to get the ‘best’ angle.


Jimmy tries on WAS(V.8)

Laura, I swear I tried to talk him out of it!

From there we hit up the Forestland where I repeated a few more classic problems and we all sat around as the sun retreated behind the ridge of the canyon. We headed to Gustavs before it got too late and indulged our stomachs with a bit of fried fish, and chicken. We then headed back to the campsite where we fed the fire mightily and waited for it to get cold enough to enjoy the orange and yellow blaze.

The next day I was ripped from my dreams by the campground host yelling into my tent to pay him for the extra vehicle. Oooops! I guess that somehow slipped our minds. The morning hours passed slowly and we eventually got up and ate a bit of food before deciding to make the hike to Clamshell Cave. The approach was steeper than I had remembered but the boulders were just as hard. We all got our nerves pumping by warming up on the classic highball of the area The Cube, a stout little V.1+ that forces you to commit to a small crimp halfway up over a sloping landing.

Dom enjoys the victory jug on The Cube(V.1+)

It was quite good but definitely made me think for a while before getting some beta from Dom and making the committing move to the top jug. Jimmy and I got shutdown cold on The Octopus, a one move V.7 that felt a little too sharp for the beginning of the day. We walked around and showed Jimmy and George another classic of the area, Crimp Crimp Slap Throw, a hard V.3 that has a perfect landing and climbs like a gym problem. The sun started to reach it’s apex as we headed back down the steep mountainside, jumping over the creek and strolling through the meadow only to be spat out by the roadside and back into our temperature controlled cars.

Winatchee river

Some kind of crazy colorful lizard

From here we said our goodbyes to Icicle Canyon and headed to the Beach area in Tumwater canyon. We laid around in the sun on the banks of the Winatchee river eating lunch and planning our assault on the boulders to come. We strolled along the path to the Beach area with the Winatchee on one side and the forest on the other. We eventually broke into the forest and headed back to a rather nice boulder that has many good V.3’s on it and a pretty good V.7 called the Terrible.

Dom lunges for the crimp on The Terrible(V.7)

We tweaked on nicely textured crimps, grabbed gaston slopers, lunged for grainy lips, and bore down on sharp crystal dykes. When we had had enough of the problems in the forest we headed even farther down the path, spotting a topless sunbather and her boyfriend on a rock in the middle of the Winatchee, her large breasts on display for us as well as everyone driving down route 2. We finally made it to the Beach bouldering area, which really doesn’t have a lot of bouldering but is an excellent playground for anyone who loves jumping off giant boulders into deep pools of cool water, getting freaked out on highball slabs, dangling from juggy arêtes over a retreating river, and doing one of the best dynoes ever while feeling tiny grains of sand squish between your toes. The Beach area is one of my favorite places to not only boulder but to have a blast just hanging out.

Castle Rock, Tumwater Canyon

Dom on the Beach Arete(V.2)

Jimmy decides to campus the Beach Arete

Taking the plunge

After jumping into the Winatchee over and over again we packed up our things, now soaking wet, and headed back to the cars. We ended our trip at the Hueco Crimper boulder where we all had a good time doing some excellent problems, working on a unknown problem, and watching as Jimmy sent the Hueco Crimper and almost sent the low start. He’ll definitely get it next time he’s there. I was glad I was able to repeat it and Dom discovered a quite difficult problem just to the left of the Hueco Crimper that seems to have never been climbed before. We finally called it quits, said goodbye to Jimmy and George and made a beeline for the greasy smell of fries and cheeseburgers at the Heidleburger before disappearing in a cloud of exhaust.

Weez

Well, the rumors are true. I believe that after 15 visits to Leavenworth you become an official card carrying member of the Bavarian culture. I’m already half German and half English so I guess I could make room for a little sausage, beer, and interesting architecture. It’s not really my fault however. I guess you could blame a lot of people. For instance, Kelly Sheridan and his little guide book; or Dom and Laura for instigating such a nasty habit as bouldering. I mean what sane sport climber wants to give up a life on the rope for a terribly unfulfilling, self deprecating, sadistic, and otherwise quick fixing sport such as bouldering? Scrambling around nature with a giant piece of foam strapped to your back only to do like, three moves before standing on top of the boulder you just climbed like a cave man claiming his fresh kill. And there we were; driving down the main street of Leavenworth cautiously dodging tourists left and right and finally turning down Icicle Creek Road in a frantic search for a break from society and the inviting silence and simplicity of ‘tent’ camping.(is there any other kind?!!!). It was Thursday, 78 degrees Fahrenheit, and around 4:00 when we were able to sit back and appreciate the fact that we had gotten our old camp spot, lot number 19 at the Eight Mile camp ground. A wave of nostalgia rushed over me as I remembered being at this very site almost a year ago with the exact same people, my friends Dom and Laura, or Laura and Dom, however you want to order the pair. It wasn’t long before we pulled into the Forestland parking lot and tromped through Summer’s overgrowth to find ourselves face to face with our old friends The Real Thing, One Summer and The Shield. Not really the names of the boulders but rather the names of some of my favorite problems here in this area. I ran around like one of the many chipmunks in heat at this time of year, crimping on holds, flexing my toes on textured granite, and pulling myself up and over a couple of problems I hadn’t quite mastered until today. One problem in particular that I was incredibly psyched to get is a problem affectionately referred to as Backdoor Ass Attack. Aaaahhhhh, the joys of naming a boulder problem. A cool looking boulder, split by a big jug lip at 6 feet. A shallow slopey side pull leads you to another slopey/crimpy lip which forces you to a small crimp above and a hard press to gain victory against gravity and the good fortune to declare to others that you have mastered the Backdoor Ass Attack. Don’t be afraid to shout it from the roof tops! I watched as Dom latched the crimpy dyno on the Shield only to hang by a three fingered latch of death before resolving the matter through a more passive aggressive means of solving things, dropping to the pad and saying you’ll do it later. I like! Laura launched into battle with her arch nemesis The Real Thing, a pretty daunting task to both life and limb, or at least toes and fingers. Techy foot placements and sideways crimps are the only hints of passage up this problem, and Laura decided to give it the ever coveted V.15 grade and wait until she was stronger to finish it off. Now I’m not one for grade inflation but since I have done this problem the new grade will definitely help my scorecard. Feeling a bit crunched, we headed to upper Forestland where we were greeted by more granite and no trace of other boulderers. Laura did battle once again with another problem called Lovage, a valiant effort that paid off in the end. As she slapped and compressed here way up the route Dom and I shouted encouragement and was glad that she held it together for the top out and final jug slap, which she almost missed! Nice one Laura. Dom and I monkeyed around, flexing our muscles and throwing our poo(not literally) and as the sun set we gathered wood for a fire and let the flames massage our bitter souls.

I was greeted in the morning by the warmth of the day to come. In other words it was going to be a hot one. My counterparts were sluggish as well and we rose to the task of climbing somewhat decisively. We found ourselves at a boulder called The Machine Gun, although the resemblance I did not see, however the problems were great and the mood was set. Polishing off the boulder in an hour we set out to find shadier spots and wound up at a The Sword boulders, lazy giants themselves that provided relief from the heat of the day. We did not do much at this spot and soon were back at the campsite feasting on sandwiches, literature, and the brain twisting board game of Scrabble. My friends were gracious enough to wipe the floor with my innocence by utilizing the double and triple word scores and thwarting my every attempts at higher learning. As the afternoon aged appropriately into the late afternoon we headed out onto a journey that would yield no impressive sends, but a respect for not getting lost, and reading poorly translated guidebook maps. The Labyrinth boulders were just that, a confusing maze of salt and pepper granite boulders with terrifying landings and even more terrifying grades. The approach was not long, yet demanded the buns of steel work out ethic and left us feeling quite ashamed of our present athletic builds. No matter, we picked up the pieces and finished the day at one of the best boulders in the world, hahahaha! The Hueco Crimper boulder finds itself perched on the banks of the Winatchee river a mere ten yards off route 2. The landings are sandy and rocky, but mellow nonetheless. I highly recommend the V.2 on this boulder, it is amazing. As well as the V.6, the V.4 and, for those willing the V.9 low start to the V.6. I won’t bother with names, if you feel so inclined as to purchase the guidebook just look for the Hueco Crimper boulder. I set to work on the V.9 and made good progress as well as smashing my back on an unguarded rock, lucky it wasn’t my head piece yo! Dom tackled the V.6 and Laura commanded the V.2 with great skill. We were happy to end the day on this boulder and yet again found great comfofrt in collecting wood for the fire that night, especially Dom who was able to find a nice sized log that I believe burned for quite some time.

It was Saturday, the camp ground found itself filled to capacity with R.V.’s, dog’s, babies, children, teenagers, parents, climbers, hikers, rafters, laughter, and many an excited chipmunk. We rose to the cold of the morning and Laura put together a mean breakfast burrito. I had my lovely little eyes set on a problem known as the Cattle Guard Arete, tucked far away in the land of Mt. Home Road. We made the journey up and over the town of Leavenworth kicking up much dust in the process and passing many an impressive boulder on unfortunately privately owned land. We broke through the trees and burst onto the scene with an attitude that reeked of climbing bliss. The sun baked the hill side of Mt. Home Road littered with boulders that we coveted as small pinnacles of amusement, debauchery, and a brass sense of male chauvinism. This area is unique to Leavenworth, one of my favorite areas yet not particularly home to the best or the most boulder problems. The few areas that have been ‘discovered’ are separated by short down hill romps and the boulders are pretty sharp, salt and pepper granite, and don’t seem to sport many features. I came here for one reason only, to send a problem that I had gotten spanked on almost a year ago. The Cattle Guard Arete, a beautiful problem, only two or three hard moves but probably the best problem in this area. Dom, Laura and I climbed a few V.1’s before I dove head first into what could only be described as my ever changing destiny. I flexed and slapped my way up the short arête before shouting in victory as I stood on top of the boulder. I was happy but the moment was fleeting and I soon found myself in a dark room, deserted and alone, spinning out of control through an endless pit of despair and emptiness. Just kidding. I was psyched and after the send we worked a sweet arête traverse thing with small feet and miserable slopers before we became too defeated to go on and had to leave. We drove back to town stopping for the nights libations at the ever encroaching Safeway, and finding out that the public Library is not so public on the weekends, it was closed. After passing the time at camp over another game of Scrabble (that’s right, weez is not a word) and some more sandwiches we drove head first into some more boulder scaling. Not much of a story unfolded at the Barney’s Rubble boulders and it wasn’t long before we found ourselves back at the Hueco Crimper boulder. I just couldn’t let this beautiful problem get away from me and I was hot on it’s trail. I worked the last move several times and never could stick it before Dom unlocked my frustration with a crafty toe jam and a hold that I had not been using. Dom dispatched the stand start before I finally took center stage. Lights…camera…ACTION! I sent it with the sound of the Winatchee reverberating off the water softened granite boulder and the camera lens steadily focused on my feeble attempts of obtaining digital immortality. I roared like a bear with a bad hernia to celebrate my accomplishment and was pleased enough to celebrate over a pint of Leavenworth IPA. That night we burned a lot of logs and drank too much cheap beer and were rewarded for our efforts by frequent pee breaks interrupting our silent slumber.

It was our last day and we packed up camp much to my dismay masked by silent grumblings of discomfort and not wanting to leave. Our mutual friend Jimmy accompanied by his mother and sister were to meet us at Mad Meadows that morning so we headed on out to one of our last stops of the trip. We walked across the meadow and up into the jumble of boulders that held classic hard problems with names like the Peephole, The Ram, and the Sail. We all warmed up on the Hueco problem, climbing in, on, and around the giant holes eroded into the granite face by the angry winds of the past. We were met shortly by our friends Jimmy, Lisa and their mother Rita. Jimmy flexed his flash bone on a one move power problem called the Jib, a heinous crimpy rail to a jug. It had been his goal to flash a V.8 this year and he did, congratulations. We were all done at this area of the Mad Meadows and headed onwards and upwards to a roof problem called Hanta Man. I managed to do the first two big moves but could not complete this chapter in the book of Micah’s bouldering adventures so I placed a comma next to it and plan upon returning in the future. Dom made an impressive hand jamming display of physical prowess by sending an upside down V.5 hand crack that climbed straight out of the roof. We then headed even farther back to the last area of the Mad Mead’ to one of the coolest looking boulders/features that has come into existence in this state of Washington. The Pimpsqueak boulder is home to a classic V.9, Pimpsqueak and another roof problem called Crimpsqueak. The latter being a longstanding project of mine. Well, today was the day. I grappled with the power of the problem and coped quite well with the top out and stood victoriously unscathed at the end. Done and done! Dom, Laura, and I were all feeling worn down after four days of bouldering but we bravely went to another area, or boulder I should say. A giant boulder stood just off the road and held two problems, IS, which I had sent months ago, and WAS which is what I came to try. Amazingly I felt strong and tamed the beast in only a few tries. I found that matching on the arête and bumping to the lip made the problem much easier than it had previously felt and I was really psyched to have another V.8 under the belt before the end of the trip. We all caravanned out to Swiftwater to wrap it up and sent one last problem, The Footless Traverse.

Now that I’m at home and have had a little time to heal and reflect, all I can think about is returning. There are so many boulders, and so many problems that I want to do and climb on and even though I have marked off a lot of problems on my list, the more I mark off the more I start to add. Most of the time the actual climbing isn’t what I enjoy the most about a trip, but rather the nights spent in conversation around a blazing camp fire, or the silence and reflection that escaping the constant appointments a job, or school can bring. I guess a balance between the two extremes is needed to appreciate, love and hate all that life has to offer. Well, that’s it. Turn your computer off and go do something; outside preferably.